Item #: SCP-999
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-999 is allowed to freely roam the facility should it desire to, but otherwise must stay in its pen either between 8PM - 9PM for sleeping, or during emergency lockdowns for its own safety. Subject is not allowed out of its pen at night or off facility grounds at any time. Pen is to be kept clean and food replaced twice daily. All personnel are allowed inside SCP-999's holding area, but only if they are not assigned to other tasks at the time, or if they are on break. Subject is to be played with when bored and spoken to in a calm, non-threatening tone.
Description: SCP-999 appears to be a large, amorphous, gelatinous mass of translucent orange slime, weighing about 54 kg (120 lbs) with a consistency similar to that of peanut butter. Subject's size and shape is easily malleable and can change shape at will, though when at rest, SCP-999 becomes a rounded, oblate dome roughly 2 meters wide and 1 meter in height. The surface of SCP-999 consists of a thin, transparent membrane similar to that of an animal cell roughly .5 cm thick, and is highly elastic, allowing SCP-999 to flatten portions of its body up to 2cm thin. This surface is also hydrophobic, although SCP-999 can willfully absorb liquids (see Addendum SCP-999-A). The rest of SCP-999's body is filled with a viscous orange substance of unknown chemical makeup, though it is capable of digesting organic materials with ease.
Subject's temperament is best described as playful and dog-like: when approached, SCP-999 will react with overwhelming elation, slithering over to the nearest person and leaping upon them, "hugging" them with a pair of pseudopods while nuzzling the person's face with a third pseudopod, all the while emitting high-pitched gurgling and cooing noises. The surface of SCP-999 emits a pleasing odor that differs with whomever it is interacting with. Recorded scents include chocolate, fresh laundry, bacon, roses, and Play-Do™.
Simply touching SCP-999's surface causes an immediate mild euphoria, which intensifies the longer one is exposed to SCP-999, and lasts long after separation from the creature. Subject's favorite activity is "tickle-wrestling", often by completely enveloping a person from the neck down and tickling them until asked to stop (though it does not always immediately comply with this request). Though injuries may occur, SCP-999 has never been found to purposefully attempt to harm others, and will immediately back away and contract its body into a quivering mound while gurgling in a matter similar to a whimpering dog, seemingly "apologizing" for hurting someone on accident.
While the creature will interact with anyone, it seems to have a special interest in those who are unhappy or hurt in any way. Persons suffering from crippling depression or PTSD, for example, have reported having a far more positive outlook on life after multiple interactions with SCP-999. The possibility of manufacturing antidepressants from SCP-999's slime is currently being discussed.
In addition to its playful behavior, SCP-999 seems to love all animals (especially humans), refusing to eat any meat and even risking its own life to save others, on one occasion leaping in front of a person to take a bullet fired at them (subject's intellect is still up for debate: though its behavior is infantile, it seems to understand human speech and most modern technology, including guns). SCP-999's diet consists entirely of candy and sweets, with M&M's™ and Necco™ wafers being its favorites. Its eating methods are similar to those of an ameoba.
Addendum SCP-999-A: "Reminder to all staff: SCP-999 is not to consume caffeinated soft drinks of any kind. Last week, someone gave SCP-999 a can of cola along with its usual breakfast. Not only was it literally bouncing off the walls for half an hour, the carbonation makes SCP-999 visibly queasy afterwards, and it refused to move or eat the rest of the day. SCP-999 has thankfully recovered since, but the staff member in question has been reprimanded." - Dr. ██████
Addendum SCP-999-B: The following is a report from an experiment in which SCP-682 is exposed to SCP-999 in the hopes that it will curb the creature's omnicidal rage.
SCP-999 is released into SCP-682's containment area. SCP-999 immediately slithers towards SCP-682.
999: (elated gurgles)
682: (unintelligible groans, growling) What is that?
SCP-999 moves in front of SCP-682, jumping up and down in a dog-like manner while calling out in a high pitched squealing noise.
682: (groans) Disgusting…
SCP-682 immediately steps on SCP-999, completely flattening SCP-999. Observers were about to abort the experiment when SCP-682 started talking again.
682: (grunts) Hmmm? (unintelligible) what is this… (low noise, similar to a light chuckle) I feel…good…
SCP-999 can be seen crawling up from between SCP-682's toes, up along its side and around its neck, where it clings on and begins gently nuzzling with its pseudopod. A wide grin slowly spreads across SCP-682's face.
682: (deep chuckling) Feel…so…happy. Happy…(laughs) happy…happy…
SCP-682 repeats the word "happy" for several minutes, laughing occasionally before escalating into nonstop laughter. As laughter continues, SCP-682 rolls around on its back, slamming its tail upon the floor with dangerous force.
682: (bellowing laughter) Stop! No tickling! (continues laughing)
SCP-682 and SCP-999 continue the "tickle fight" until SCP-682 finally wears down and appears to fall asleep with what would appear to be a smile on its face. After fifteen minutes with no activity, two D-Class personnel enter the room to retrieve SCP-999. When SCP-999 is removed, SCP-682 immediately wakes up and unleashes an unidentifiable wave of energy from its body, all the while laughing maniacally.
All persons within the wave's range collapse into crippling fits of laughter, allowing SCP-682 to escape and slaughter all in its path. Meanwhile, SCP-999 quickly rescues as many persons as it can, taking them to a safe place to recover from SCP-682's "laughter wave" while agents suppress and re-contain SCP-682.
Despite the tragedy that SCP-682 had brought upon the facility, SCP-999 has not shown any fear towards the creature and in fact has made gestures suggesting it wants to "play" with SCP-682 again. SCP-682, however, has stated, "That feculent little [unintelligible] can [DATA EXPUNGED] and die."
Memo from Dr. ████: "While the test was unsuccessful and ended in tragedy, that had to be the funniest thing I have ever seen. I never thought I'd see the day when I would regard SCP-682 as "cute". Please send me a copy of the security tapes ASAP."